Where did you get that?! When Children Steal...

When my brother was four he stole a toy dinosaur from Target. We were in the car, halfway home, when my mother looked in the rear view mirror and saw the incriminating evidence. "Junior, where did your brother get that toy?" my mother asked as I was forced to tear myself away from a game I conconcted for my self on car rides. "I don't know," I replied honestly. After about thirty seconds my mother realized where he had gotten it from and we were turning around to go to Target.

Of course my brother had no idea that he stole the dinosaur nor did he realize the consequences of stealing, something my mother explained in great detail on the car ride home. My brother saw something he wanted and he went for it, a natural human reaction. So how do we teach our kids that what may seem alright is wrong? Here are a few tips.

1. Teach

It's obvious, but overlooked. You must actually teach your child that taking what is not yours is wrong. Otherwise they do not know.

2. Separate.

Nothing is more frustrating than having your siblings touch your stuff. Kids need to learn to share, but it's a two way street. If you make everything in your house communal, how does the child know what is theirs and what must be asked for? By establishing ownership you establish that a) not everything belongs to the child and b) you must ask to use something that is not yours.

3) Bad is Bad, Good is Good.

If the child does something wrong correct the behavior: reprimand the child and return the stolen property. Conversely, if the child displays honesty, reward them for it.

Many times a child does something without knowing exactly why. Stealing is one of those things that can be done on impulse and without much guilt. It is important to establish not only that it's wrong, but also why it's wrong.

Taking the Law Into Your Own Hands

Something quite extraordinary has been going on in Compton over the last couple of weeks. Parents at McKinley Elementary School have become the first group of parents to take advantage of the 'parent trigger', a law that stipulates that parents can take over an LAUSD school if they deem it to be sub-par and they can convince at least 51% of the parents of the school to sign a petition. This particular school is looking to change their public school, which has some of the worst test scores in the nation, to a charter school with the goal of improving grades and attracting better teachers. The parents, who received 60% of parents signatures, are being met with some opposition from the school board. LA Weekly has been covering the first-ever 'parent trigger' in a series of articles. Click the link below to read more:

http://www.laweekly.com/2011-01-27/news/parent-trigger-gets-gibson-law-firm/

Lessons from the Animal Kingdom

One of the great things about animals is that they can teach humans, who have forgotten or never learned, how to behave. The other great thing is that they are edible...

But in all seriousness, pets and kids go together like peanut butter and jelly. If you don't provide your child with pets they will broach the subject themselves. After much deliberation between you and your significant other, priest, bartender, hairdresser, etc. you will decide that young Timmy is [or isn't] the perfect age for a pet. The easy part is over. Now you have to go to the pet store.

If I were you, I wouldn't bring my child anywhere near the pet store. Think about when your rational adult mind sees puppies behind glass or kittens milling around, do you ever want to leave the store with less than 10 new friends? Now insert a five year old version of yourself and you can understand why it might be best to leave your child at home. Of course, it might be equally important to teach your child that he/she cannot have whatever they want all the time. You might save this lesson until you are dealing with less cute subject matter. Once you arrive at the pet store, the question becomes what animal to get. If you are a reader of this blog your child is probably under six. While puppies and kittens, or their full size equivalents, make fine pets, you might want to get a smaller animal, maybe one that resides in a cage until your child is older. Sometimes kids will not know how to interact with a large pet and even if they do, if the pet is younger or rambunctious, you will have to closely watch child/pet interactions. The other downside is that your child can only kind of take care of a dog or a cat and learn that kind of responsibility.

For a child under six the best pets are smaller: hamster, gerbil, lizard, frog, birds, fish. There is a better chance of the animal and your child staying safe with an animal that is this size and they can take part in the responsibility of caring for their pet. Learning to nurture is one of the great things pets teach children. Here are some others:

http://www.petplace.com/dogs/a-living-education-five-things-pets-teach-children/page1.aspx

Truth in Fiction

There is more beauty in truth, even if it is a dreadful beauty.
-John Steinbeck

Last week NewSouth books released a version of Mark Twain's classic Huckleberry Finn that replaced the abominable n-word with the word "slave." Of course the decision to do so set off a chain of arguments between pundits, educators and the like. To my way of thinking, it seems shocking that in 2011 we are still arguing over whether or not kids, in high school, can read this word and be OK. I attended public school until college and I can say that I heard every word I was not supposed to hear way before I read Huckleberry Finn. Add the internet into the mix and Huckleberry Finn becomes the least of our problems. I don't think that anyone at NewSouth, or supporters of their decision, could be so naive so as to believe that Mark Twain's classic is going to destroy childhood innocence by exposing them to bad words. I could at least understand that, but that's not the problem at all, the truth is.

The truth of America's past is the subject of much scrutiny. Americans look upon our history as a child does a parent and we do not want to find fault. When inevitably a child reaches maturity and sees that his mother and father are people like everyone else, a part of them changes forever. It is a necessary change, but the longer it is delayed the more explosive it can be. By changing Huckleberry Finn, we are changing an account of America's past (one that did not have a political agenda). It's already bad enough that our history classes from Kindergarten until High School largely ignore many of the more unpleasant parts of America's past, but to change literature as well, that will not do. All of this comes on the heels of Congress skipping over the more unpleasant parts of the constitution when they read it on the Senate floor last week (something Glenn Beck pointed out, marking the first time I applauded Mr. Beck).

Alas, this piece is turning into something political which it need not be, because that was not the aim. The aim was our children and the truth. By withholding the truth we stand to cause far more damage. A hard truth is accepted after some time, but the sting of a lie lasts (I'm paraphrasing Mr. Steinbeck here). No one likes being lied to, not kids, especially when they grow up and realize that they've been lied to their whole lives. Of course kids as young as preschool do not need to know about these things. Even older kids should not be told, but if they ask, there is no reason to withhold the truth. Tell your children the truth, whatever you judge it to be and they will love and respect you for it.

Upcoming Kid Friendly Events in January

1. Meditation classes - I once heard a Buddhist giving a lecture about meditation. One of the points he made that stuck with me was that we spend years exercising our bodies but we hardly ever spend anytime exercising our minds. We fill them full of knowledge, but how often do we sit somewhere without stimulant and just think? Or I guess not think? Either way the answer is not very often. These mediation classes are aimed at children, perhaps an early start will propel the future generations to spend more time cultivating the mind.

http://events.la.com/los-angeles-ca/events/show/160478865-kids-meditation-class-in-los-angeles

2. The youth and technology are linked together and for good reason. Young kids are growing up in a world where computers are as common as refrigerators. To them the world never existed without them. So go celebrate the future at the Wiseburn School District Community Technology Festival. It's inevitable.

http://events.la.com/hawthorne-ca/events/show/157418785-2011-wiseburn-school-district-community-technology-festival

3. Go green without the green and visit the LA Arboretum on the third Tuesday of any month, January 18th for those keeping track at home, when it is absolutely free.

http://www.arboretum.org/

4. More animation exists than just Pixar and more languages exist than English. One of the year's best animated films, The Illusionist (L'illusionniste), is playing in Los Angeles. Your child may not understand the language, but a pretty picture is a pretty picture and it will broaden their horizons.

http://www.mrmovietimes.com/movies/Illusionist-L-illusionniste.html

5. Another thing to do that will be fun and educational: Nothin' But Sand Beach Clean Up. Kids learn the importance of throwing trash away properly and the beach gets cleaned up. Everybody wins.

http://www.redtri.com/los-angeles-events/nothin%E2%80%99-but-sand-beach-clean-up

5 Christmas Movies...

...that every child should see.

1. A Charlie Brown Christmas.
Doesn't anyone know what Christmas is about?! Allow Linus to answer this question and teach your child what Christmas is all about.

2. A Christmas Story.
Because a real family Christmas is never cut and dry. The sooner this lesson is learned, the better.

3. How the Grinch Stole Christmas
Must be the animated version.

4. The Polar Express
If you put a Pixar movie on at home your child will glue himself to the floor with their neck craned upward. Extrapolate that by one thousand and you have the effect of this film in IMAX 3-D.

5. It's A Wonderful Life
I still remember the first time I saw this in fifth grade and it has left a lasting impression on me. It's a bit too much for the younger audience, but when they are of age this movie is a great lesson for everyone and anyone.

More Snacks!!!

After writing the last blog about 5 healthy snacks I found a couple websites with some interesting snack ideas. First the food network gives us 50 afternoon snack ideas that, while not necessarily healthy, are delicious.

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes-and-cooking/50-after-school-snacks/index.html

I make up, however, for my disregard for health by including a website that offers a list of 20 inexpensive, healthy items (two things everyone should be, frugal and healthy).

http://www.divinecaroline.com/22177/52070-twenty-healthiest-foods-1/print

And then, on a somewhat less interesting note, here is a list of Christmas recipes for all the leftover turkey, ham and stuffing crowding your refrigerator.

http://busycooks.about.com/od/christmas/a/Christmasleftov.htm

Alright, no more food for a while! I promise...

Five Healthy Snacks

Not to pump a dry well, but to follow up on the theme of childhood obesity I wanted to offer some healthy snacks. Snacking is one of the biggest problems when it comes to weight control; both the frequency and quality of the snack need to be regulated. Ideally we should eat five small meals a day, 3 full course meals and two smaller snack-type meals. Now what to do about the two:

1. Fruit. It's so easy, but we often forget about the fruit. We want a sweet snack and we reach for thirty other things with terrible things in them. Next time you want a cookie, eat some grapes, it'll curb your sugar appetite and it will make you feel better as well.

2. Ants on a Log. Celery + Peanut Butter + Raisins. It doesn't get better or tastier in my opinion. If you want to take the snack from an A to an A+ use natural peanut butter. If your child is used to regular peanut butter the difference can be jarring, but if they're not then you're good to go.

3. Chocolate milk. Keeping with the theme of sweet, healthy snacks because (lets face it) kids love sweet snacks. Chocolate milk is delicious, provides vitamins and is the perfect blend of good and bad.

4. PB and Jelly. This sandwich is a classic. And it's easy, you can even have your child make it. You could buy the Smucker's brand that is loaded with preservatives and God knows what else. I prefer to make it myself. Also, not a bad idea to buy some kind of jelly that isn't pure sugar, something that is natural and organic. Peanut butter is already sweet enough.

5. Yogurt. 1 in 4 kids do not get enough calcium. Give them yogurt and some chocolate milk and you've successfully combated the problem.

I think I'm going to make some ants on a log. Enjoy!

Childhood Obesity

Childhood obesity is a serious problem in America. A child that is obese has, most of the time, learned bad eating habits that will be carried into adulthood and that can lead to a plethora of diseases. More people die of heart disease than lung cancer and both are self-inflicted wounds (genetic predispositions aside). One of the things I noticed as an adult is that bad food is addictive. It has been argued that refined sugar is the most addictive substance on the planet. Fast foods have chemicals in them that the body begins to crave; these can be hard habits to break on a chemical level. That is why it is imperative to train the body to enjoy healthy eating habits.

The causes of childhood obesity are easily defined: low activity levels, poor nutrition and a lax attitude towards what is being eaten. Perhaps the saddest part of this epidemic is that the families being affected are actually malnourished and spending more money than need be. Eating healthy can be affordable; you do not have to spend hundreds of dollars at a health food store to eat right. So how do we stop this problem? This article at helpguide.org gives you some easy tips to follow that have been listed below.

• Get the whole family involved - This the number one rule in childhood development, do as YOU say and they will, in turn, do as YOU do
• Encourage healthy eating habits
• Be smart about snacks and sweets - These are a reward that should be given only for special and significant reasons.
• Watch portion sizes
• Get your kid moving
• Reduce screen time
• Get involved

I would encourage you to read the entire article as it goes into greater detail and provides specific examples of how to improve eating habits. If you are skeptical, as I was, that this is a problem I would encourage you to go here and read a scholarly article about the growing problem.

Thanksgiving Recipes

I was worried that I was going to mess up and miss the deadline to post Thanksgiving recipes, but then I realized that nobody cooks before Thanksgiving (not to mention the limited number of readers and the fact that everyone has their own recipes for Thanksgiving...). So I've compiled some recipes from around the worldwide web that I've found over the last year and have never made before. They are not Thanksgiving specific, but they are definitely things most people serve on Thanksgiving, so without further ado (click the name of the item for recipes):

1. Green Chile Macaroni - I know that as a kid, and sadly as an adult, I ate an inordinate amount of macaroni and cheese. The same old recipe can get tiring, even if it is homemade, so try this recipe which adds a Southwestern kick to an old favorite. If you insist on the original, however, this recipe claims (and looks) to be perfect.

2. The Bird - Everyone hates a dry bird, and everyone hates the ridicule that comes from making said dry bird. The people at the food network know best, though I'm not sure they need an entire network...

3. Dressing, stuffing, what have you - Now you can go and find yourself any number of variations on a classic and I know that given my words earlier concerning macaroni you may expect me to venture out into different waters when it comes to dressing, but you would be mistaken. Nothing is better than classic dressing. If I knew my mom's own recipe, I would post it here. Alas, I do not, and I don't want to give away the secret anyway, but I have left you in the capable hands of the food network.

4. Dessert - There is only one desert in my mind: the one, the only, pecan pie. The people at myhomecooking.net bring you through the 3 step process to perfect this, the most important of traditions.

Now go forth and eat. Have a happy bird day!

The Cult of Mine

We've seen it before. A child plays with a toy, another child approaches and suddenly the first child proclaims ownership of the toy in a decisive manner (MINE!). It's a common and embarrassing problem for any parent: when they see that their child does not know how to share. What is the cause of this selfish behavior and how can it be corrected?

According to Lynne Namka, Doctor of Education, selfish behavior can be a phase that children grow out of when they get older. It is natural for a 2-3 year old to be selfish because they get attention by crying and they see the world as a place that provides for them whenever they need something. This behavior can carry over into the teenage years if not addressed early on in childhood.

David Foster Wallace, PhD, posits that as humans we are "hard-wired" to think of ourselves as being at the center of the universe; every experience we have happens to us and it it because of this that are feelings seem more real and urgent. Wallace argues that the term "well-adjusted" is not accidental, that are default hard wiring is too be self-centered. It is up to parents to make this adjustment.

One solution is to lead by example: share with your child and when they refuse to share do the same to them so they understand how it feels to be left out. It's not a fun experience for either parent or child, but it is necessary. Another answer is to make sure your child has an appropriate level of attention, too little can create an inferiority complex that morphs into narcissistic behavior. If your child feels constantly neglected he/she can feel that they are owed something. Lynne Namka recommends counseling a self-absorbed child in these areas:

• Learning to follow directions and take in information instead of going to instant debate
• Delaying gratification and learning to inhibit impulsive actions
• Learning to separate the big deals from the little deals and let go of the small injustices of life.
• Learning to state boundaries and allow others their boundaries
• Dealing with frustrations in socially acceptable ways
• Reinforcing his own self when behavior is appropriate
• Becoming his own coach and cheerleader for making good choices
• Viewing others with empathy and seeing things from their point of view
• Develop a healthy type of narcissism based on the balance between giving and receiving

For Lynne's full article, go here.

The Importance of Thanksgiving

Did you know that Canada celebrates Thanksgiving? Did you know that the first Thanksgiving celebrated in the United States is a matter of some dispute? Did you know that Thanksgiving was modeled after the Harvest Festivals of Europe?

You may or may not know the answers to these questions, depending on how thoroughly you research your holidays, but I can almost guarantee your child does not. For American children Thanksgiving is about "hand" Turkeys, Pilgrims and Native Americans. The original holiday was created as a religous ceremony to give thanks to God for providing food for another winter, but in this country it's easy to forget that food is still a commodity in many places; including several places in our own backyards.

The point is that school and a cursory/periphery education of Thanksgiving leaves a child with the gist of the holiday: family, football and a general warm feeling. None of these things are wrong or out of place and they certainly come to my mind when I think of Thanksgiving, but what about "giving thanks." One tradition is to go around the table and say something we all were thankful for this year. Usually the parents take this more seriously, but mostly everyone offers up the usual empty, banal statements of thanks. So here is my suggestion: mean it.

Take a second to truthfully instill the importance of this holiday. Yes it's great to see family and eat ourselves senseless, but it's also great that we get to be alive. A child is never to young to realize this. This year, maybe take your child to a soup kitchen in the morning, let them see what it's like for other people. Or maybe have a serious conversation with them and explain the holiday. It has become increasingly easy to make light of our American traditions as chances for unbridled consumerism and economic stimulation, but it doesn't have to be. Personalize Thanksgiving this year and next year, and for years to come, we will all have reason to be thankful.

VOLUNTEER:

http://www.westsidethanksgiving.org/turkey2004/pages/volunteer.html

http://www.unionstationhs.org/dinners_in_the_park.html

http://losangeles.cbslocal.com/guide/thanksgiving-volunteer-opportunities/

Upcoming Kid Friendly Events

October was a hectic halloween over it does not get easier, however, because Thanksgiving and Christmas are right around the corner. While I'm sure you have plenty of things on the old holiday itinerary, I thought it might be a good idea to jam your schedule with even more stuff! Here are some cool(?) events around the city of Los Angeles that you and your child can do around Los Angeles:

Dia De Los Muertos
If you've never been to a DDLM celebration and you live in Los Angeles than you're doing something wrong. The Echo Park Branch Library has a tradition of placing flowers, photographs and mementos on altars to honor the memory of family members and friends. Definitely worth checking out.

The GRAMMY Museum - John Lennon Songwriter
Before Justin Beiber there was this guy named John Lennon and a little group called The Beatles. Now I know you know this, but your child doesn't. Take them and show them.

A Christmas Carol at the El Capitan Theater
It's a little early, but everyone loves this movie. It is inexplicably playing from 11/7 until 11/21. Nevertheless, get them in the Christmas spirit early, you know?

These are 3 of my favorite events, but there are several more here:

http://gocitykids.parentsconnect.com/calendar/los-angeles-ca-usa/2010-11-06?page=2&endDate=&resultsPerPage=10&categoryIds=&costTexts=&ageRanges=.

5 Websites for Kids

I find that I spend a lot of wasted time on the internet without real direction or aim. This can be especially true for kids. At my work, we do our best to not allow students to use the internet unless it is absolutely mandatory for class. Everything on the internet, however, isn't terrible. I've come up with a list of 5 websites to keep your kids occupied and intellectually stimulated.

1. http://www.tedxyouthday.com/talks/

If you haven't heard of TED talks, then this link will also interest you. At TED.com they post lectures, speeches and presentations from an event that hosts the top minds in the world in various subjects. Recently the TED foundation has sponsored events aimed at kids, even having kids deliver the speeches. It's an educational video series that presents new and interesting ideas that will be intriguing for parent and child.

2. http://pbskids.org/

PBS kids has a kid-friendly website that provides interactive games that are also educational.

3. http://www.funbrain.com/

Another educational and interactive website for kids.

4. http://bartleby.com/

Aimed at a slightly older crowd, so again a plus for parents, bartleby is a great online resource for free books. Many of the classics can be found here as well as a ton of other books. If you're looking for a book to read your child that you can also be interested in, bartleby will have some great choices.

5. http://www.tempe.gov/youthlibrary/preschool/preschweb.htm

This last website has a ton of links to good reading websites for a child still in preschool. Click a link and be launched in to the world of Peter Rabbit or the Berenstain Bears.



The internet can be useful tool, as long as it's being used properly. Make sure you guide your child's internet use and check out these great websites!

The Importance of Early Education

I tutor at a place where 95% of the children are from low-income households. Every single day we encounter children who are behind in several areas and need all the help they can get. After my session on Monday I called my brother and told him, "When your son is old enough you better put him in preschool, you better read to him and you better help him with his schoolwork." Everyday I'm reminded of just how vital it is to have your child learning from an early age.

That's not to say that a child who doesn't go to preschool is doomed. I didn't go to preschool, but my older sisters and my mother read to me and my sisters did this weird faux-classroom thing (they were really bored) in which they would teach me things that my sponge-like mind never forgot. I turned out fine, but the importance of preschool should not be underestimated.

"There's increasing evidence that children gain a lot from preschool," says Kathleen McCartney, Dean of Harvard Graduate School of Education. "At preschool, they become exposed to numbers, letters, and shapes. And, more important, they learn how to socialize-- get along with other children, share, contribute to circle time." We've covered the importance of children interacting with their peers, but preschool is vital for a child's academic development. By exposing your child to fun and challenging games early, you are fostering development. It may seem arbitrary, but it's one of the biggest favors you can do for your child. Everything runs into everything else: if a kid starts behind in 1st grade then he/she will have to play catch up each year of grade school or else they will stay behind each year until it's too late. For many of the kids I tutor the concept of college is not a foregone conclusion; their parents didn't go to college and without the influence of a college-educated or college-oriented parent/sibling in the house it's difficult for them to come up with those ideas on their own. Their parents are doing all they can by taking advantage of the free tutoring and it is my hope that we can help some of these kids, but the sooner we get to them the better. If you can afford preschool or a child development center, then there should be no hesitation to enroll your child.

If you're short on money, and even if you're not, you should be reading to your kids, helping them learn their abc's, counting with them, finding interactive and fun learning games online where there are hundreds of programs you can play and download. I can't tell you the number of kids who are bothered by the very idea of learning because the culture their parents raised them in never made learning fun or even addressed learning at all. Make learning fun for your child. Make the importance of learning evident. Give your child incentives. Geoffrey Canada, founder of HCZ an innovative program for inner city youth in Harlem, came up with the idea of offering children monetary incentives to learn. The idea was met with controversy, but it works! When I was a child my Dad refused to give me allowance; there was only one way for me to earn money: $1/book. That's right, $1 per book. And it worked. I love reading now and I don't do it because I still get a dollar, it was simply a good way to get me to read outside of class.

The bottom line is that we all want our kids to do better than we did. The first step is to send them to preschool and to make sure that you are helping them along in their development. Of course a kid needs to be a kid (my father used to say, when he felt I was being too "adult", that I had only 18 years to be a kid and the rest of my life to be an adult), but a nudge in the right direction will pay dividends. Ultimately your child will thank you and hopefully they will pass it on to their children.

Here is a website with some games, activities and other ideas for your child:

http://www.theideabox.com/

Halloween: Candy

(Writer's Note: The videos in this post may not display correctly. To view the original version click play on the video and then click the video image. A new screen should pop-up where the video will play via youtube. If your browser blocks pop-ups hold down the ctrl button and click the video image.)

We all know that children love candy, but if you forget, there will always be someone there to remind you:




In the unlikely event, however, that you are completely clueless, this video lays out the basics for you:




But maybe you don't want to subscribe to the rule that Halloween has to be unhealthy (unsolicited advice/opinion: Halloween is sacred in the life of a child and should be one of the only times (Christmas, Easter) that kids can stuff themselves with cavity inducing, stomach churning sugar...) there are tons of ways to improve the nutrition of your holiday. The website below has a ton of healthy Halloween recipe ideas if you're baking for a school function or a party:

http://familyfun.go.com/halloween/best-halloween-recipes-786790/

These days, however, it's pretty tough to give out unwrapped treats to neighborhood kids (For good reason. Please make sure to go through your child's treat bag and remove any suspicious or unwrapped candy and throw them away.), but there are some alternatives to spread healthiness to the whole neighborhood. The video below has some good tips. The first half has more recipes, but the second half is a guide to buying candy; unfortunately much of the candy they mention has peanut butter in it which can be a problem for kids with allergies...



And again we have Diet.Com expanding the list of Don't(s) and adding a few Do(s):




No matter what candy you choose to buy, the most important rule of Halloween is safety first. So make sure you check your kids bags and make sure you don't lose your Shark Boy or Frog Girl (I have no idea what costumes are popular these days) amongst the sea of Shark Boys and Frog Girls that are sure to populate your neighborhood. And if you really have no idea what to buy, just bring your child to the grocery store and tell him/her to grab exactly what he/she wants for Halloween. Then give it away to other kids. Just Kidding! Happy Halloween!

Kid Files #3

Today I worked with a child who most likely has Asperger's syndrome. We spent two hours working on a Math handout about mental math, that is calculating addition and subtraction in one's head. He happened to be very good at the addition portion of the handout, but he struggled with the subtraction. Most of the two hours was spent on one problem in particular that we never finished. He begged for me to give him the answers, but I remained steadfast; I believed, and still believe, that he could do it. As the clock approached 5:30 he became hysterical. He began sobbing and telling me that it was all my fault and that his parents would be mad at him for not finishing his work. After he left I sat down for about twenty minutes trying to rethink my actions. A couple coworkers had overheard the interaction and they were apologetic that I had had such a difficult afternoon which was reassuring. Still I found myself in a daze as I walked to a local coffee shop. Was it my fault? Should I have just given him the answers? Would that really solve anything? After an hour I realized that it wouldn't; I had to stand firm. I could have let him do it on paper, but he was already proficient in that area. I could have given him the answers, but what would he do at the grocery store when he needed $22 but only had a $20? Surely it would be more embarrassing to have to learn it then rather than now. And yet it didn't make me feel any better to have done what I deemed to be the right thing. The next day I saw the student again and he gave me an enthusiastic hello. I might not have been his favorite tutor, but I think I earned his respect.

It's always a surprise.

Halloween: Costumes

Halloween is one of those holidays that never loses it's appeal. Unlike Christmas, adults get to participate as much as their children do and this time around no one is monitoring their candy intake! Halloween has always had a near and dear place in my heart as my birthday is four days before the holiday; as such I've decided to write the next couple blogs with a focus on the approaching holiday, which is on a Sunday this year (bad news for those of us who have work the following day...I guess there is something to being a kid), starting with costumes.

Let's talk budget first. Everyone wants to look good for Halloween, but what if you're trying to save a few dollars for some extra candy apples and a jumbo bag of Sweet Tarts. Understandable. The following link has a bunch of great ideas for using items you can find around your house. The list of costumes to be made with a box are pretty great:

http://costumeideazone.com/

Another cheap, affordable and quick option is make-up. Using face paint and hair dye, you can transform your child into a regular Frankenstein for 3+ hours. Here are some tips on how to make your child Harry Potter or a Frazzled Housewife, plus more:

http://www.halloweenishere.com/costume_ideas.html

Of course if you happened to have scratched off 2 out of 3 winning numbers or you recently turned in your recyclables for cash or you saved on the electric bill by learning to read in the dark, you can pay for your costume. But how much fun is that? By making a costume, and including your child, you're fostering his/her creativity and teaching a valuable lesson: the best things in life are free (or they are cheaper than some of the other best things). At any rate, I'm sure come October 31st there will be many happy goblins and ghouls running around. Look out next week for a blog about the sweet stuff: candy. Happy (early) Halloween!

Kid Files #2

This past summer I worked at a camp. We were warned about home sickness going into the summer, but as my kids were older I doubted that I would have to deal with it even though I had brief bouts of it myself. Before bed we always showered and brushed our teeth and then got into bed and talked for a while. One night a boy got up in the middle of our conversation and ran to the bathroom and vomited. Minutes later I was out of bed and walking him to the infirmary. We made our way up to the nurse and talked to her, waking her up and getting some medication. I could tell that he was feeling better and that perhaps he was not sick at all. And then the truth came out: he was not really sick he just missed his brother who had not come to camp for the first half of camp. This was the longest and first time they had ever been apart. I shared my own home-sickness and we walked around for a while, trying to shake the negative feelings. I asked him what he did when he felt bad at home and he replied that he played the piano. We headed to a music room and I listened as he played a few of his favorite tunes. Later as we walked down the hill we both felt better and I wasn't even sick to begin with.

It's always a surprise.

What to do if my child lies?

During high school I had a friend who lied constantly without reason or provocation. One time specifically he walked past me with headphones on his ears. I asked him what he was listening to as he was dancing and moving his head with a high degree of satisfaction. He told it was Mandy Moore. Later, at PE, I had a chance to inspect the CD player while my friend was in the bathroom. He was not listening to Mandy Moore. He was listening to anything, there was no CD and there were no batteries in the CD player.

Despite the tone of the story, my friend was not crazy; he truly enjoyed lying and did not know how to stop. Kids lie for a variety of reasons: to avoid trouble, to enhance the truth, and sometimes only because they can. The behavior must be corrected before it becomes a habit as in the case of my friend. Below are some strategies to correct this troublesome behavior:

1. Limit the child’s opportunity to lie. If you know the child did something wrong tell the child immediately. Believing your child will tell the truth is good way to build trust, but if your child has a problem with lying you have to erase the possibility. Ask direct questions without accusation but questions that don’t skirt around the point.

2. Keep your cool. If you are already at a 10 when you begin the conversation with your child why would he/she admit to his/her deed?

3. Do not let your child get away with it. If the behavior goes unpunished lying will become a habit without fear of consequence.

4. Make sure you offer to hear their side of the story. Chances are your child had a reason for doing what he/she did; find out what it is. If you understand were their coming from, they’ll respect you and the punishment will fit the crime.

For further information go to:

http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Sophy6.html

This website offers a four step approach to getting your kids to tell the truth.