Kid Files #2

This past summer I worked at a camp. We were warned about home sickness going into the summer, but as my kids were older I doubted that I would have to deal with it even though I had brief bouts of it myself. Before bed we always showered and brushed our teeth and then got into bed and talked for a while. One night a boy got up in the middle of our conversation and ran to the bathroom and vomited. Minutes later I was out of bed and walking him to the infirmary. We made our way up to the nurse and talked to her, waking her up and getting some medication. I could tell that he was feeling better and that perhaps he was not sick at all. And then the truth came out: he was not really sick he just missed his brother who had not come to camp for the first half of camp. This was the longest and first time they had ever been apart. I shared my own home-sickness and we walked around for a while, trying to shake the negative feelings. I asked him what he did when he felt bad at home and he replied that he played the piano. We headed to a music room and I listened as he played a few of his favorite tunes. Later as we walked down the hill we both felt better and I wasn't even sick to begin with.

It's always a surprise.

What to do if my child lies?

During high school I had a friend who lied constantly without reason or provocation. One time specifically he walked past me with headphones on his ears. I asked him what he was listening to as he was dancing and moving his head with a high degree of satisfaction. He told it was Mandy Moore. Later, at PE, I had a chance to inspect the CD player while my friend was in the bathroom. He was not listening to Mandy Moore. He was listening to anything, there was no CD and there were no batteries in the CD player.

Despite the tone of the story, my friend was not crazy; he truly enjoyed lying and did not know how to stop. Kids lie for a variety of reasons: to avoid trouble, to enhance the truth, and sometimes only because they can. The behavior must be corrected before it becomes a habit as in the case of my friend. Below are some strategies to correct this troublesome behavior:

1. Limit the child’s opportunity to lie. If you know the child did something wrong tell the child immediately. Believing your child will tell the truth is good way to build trust, but if your child has a problem with lying you have to erase the possibility. Ask direct questions without accusation but questions that don’t skirt around the point.

2. Keep your cool. If you are already at a 10 when you begin the conversation with your child why would he/she admit to his/her deed?

3. Do not let your child get away with it. If the behavior goes unpunished lying will become a habit without fear of consequence.

4. Make sure you offer to hear their side of the story. Chances are your child had a reason for doing what he/she did; find out what it is. If you understand were their coming from, they’ll respect you and the punishment will fit the crime.

For further information go to:

http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Sophy6.html

This website offers a four step approach to getting your kids to tell the truth.

Flu Season

It’s that time of year again: flu season. The holidays are hectic enough, no need for more stress. Here are some tips for protecting your family from influenza:

1. Wash your hands! An oldie but a goodie. Washing your hands is as effective as it was when we were kids.

2. Nutrition. Make sure your child is getting everything they need in the way of diet. A healthy defense (immune system) is the best offense against colds.

3. Bless you! There are two ways to sneeze properly: 1) Into your hands or a tissue and then IMMEDIATELY washing your hands or 2) Sneezing into your sleeve. A you tube tutorial is provided here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SpPA73SZJYE

4. I’m sorry… It’s not rude to keep your children away from sick people, it’s in their best interest. By the same token, do not send your fever-ridden child to school or other public places!

More tips? Only because you asked nicely:

http://www.cdc.gov/flu/protect/preventing.htm

Kid Files #1

Earlier this week I was working with an extremely hyperactive child. Getting through his homework was a struggle: he threw himself on the floor, disrupted other children and made inappropriate noises. After an hour I was ready to quit, but we persevered and finished. After homework the kids at my work are supposed to read for 30 minutes and write based off of that day’s prompt. My student and I hopped right into the writing as I didn’t think I had the patience to deal with reading. The prompt was for Dia de los Muertos; the student was to write about a person in their life who died. If not a person, then a pet. My student, luckily, had experienced neither. So we brainstormed and we thought of something else that he had lost: a quarter. By the end of the session he had written a funny, creative story that wished his quarter a farewell as it lived for eternity in “quarter heaven.” A little patience went a long way and I realized that there was more to the student than I thought.

It’s always a surprise.

How can I correct my child's behavior?

The above question implies that there is something wrong with a child’s behavior. When assessing behavior we must remain objective and realize that behavior is only worth correcting when disruptive. Once the child has created a disruption, it is important to pinpont the source of the behavioral problem: is the child aware or unaware that what he/she is doing is bad behavior. If the child is unaware or aware, the first thing to do is to explain to them why that behavior is inappropriate. If the child was previously unaware, there is a good chance they will at least try to stop the behavior. If not further steps may have to be taken. Let’s take a look at some useful tips for curtailing bad behavior.

1. Decide that the behavior is normal for a child of that age.

As we all know children go through phases, some worse than others. As a child I recited whole commercials, verbatim, to anyone that would listen. While certainly an annoying habit, it’s one that I eventually grew out of with support, love and patience from my family. Children are bound to do some things that are purely juvenile. As they should.

2. Punish the behavior.

This is especially important if the behavior is physical or extreme in any fashion. A behavior that is directly hurting someone should not be tolerated and a proportional and swift punishment should be instituted whenever the behavior is repeated.

3. Ignore the behavior.

Another form of punishment and one that I believe works the best. Most bad behavior is a cry for attention. When a child realizes that they are not going to get attention for that behavior, they fall back into line. As a counselor and coach this works effectively because the disruptive child quickly sees that his peers are not mimicking his actions. One on one this tactic is more difficult to accomplish and it actually begins to resemble tip #1 which is to essentially give into the behavior.

4. Redirect

There are only slight differences between a disruptive child and a star pupil: both are outspoken, confident and hungry for attention. Reminding a child of what behavior you like and what will make you pay attention can be very effective. Most disruptive children know exactly what they are doing. Having an aside with them and talking to them as a peer validates the child and let’s he/she know that you see something in them. If you can take the energy they are wasting on being defiant and redirect to a positive behavior, then you’ve not only stopped a problem, you’ve created a future solution.

Ultimately changing behavior is never easy. Setting a good example is always important but when that doesn’t work, we must rely on patience to get us through the difficult task of correcting a child’s actions. Trying to change what someone, let alone a child, does is never easy or instantaneous. It is a slow process, one requiring perseverance and love.

Further reading:

http://familydoctor.org/online/famdocen/home/children/parents/behavior/201.html

Why do children need to play?

“Today’s another day, time to play.” -Sally Wade

Our modern world dictates that we ask ourselves questions that were fundamentally understood truths for years and years. Had you asked fifty years ago why do children need to play, the answer would have been something along the lines of, “Because that’s what children do.” However, with advances in child development and behavioral sciences we now have a better idea of what it is children gain from the act of playing. According to Deborah J. Leong, Ph.D., professor of psychology at Metropolitan State College in Denver, play has a potential for fostering many areas of young children's development, including social and cognitive development. These types of activities have the following characteristics: 1) Children create a pretend scenario by negotiating and talking to peers and use props in a symbolic way; and 2) Children create specific roles-and rules-for pretend behavior and adopt multiple themes and multiple roles. When play has these characteristics, it can teach children how to communicate effectively, how to respect another’s wishes and how to express an opinion without anger or physicality. Having established why children need to play, a second question arises: How do we get our children to play?

Television, internet, video games, music videos, ipods, cell phones, etc. The list of distractions are endless. In a world where most adults cannot curtail their use of electronic devices, it’s easy to understand the difficulty in making a child put down a device and play with his peers. Leong argues that even when we succeed in getting our kids to participate, these events are usually adult oriented or consist of the same age group of kids. Before the age of the internet and television, a neighborhood full of kids might gather spontaneously to play a sport or another game and be forced to govern themselves. Unsupervised activity, such as this, is hands on social learning that can’t be taught in school. As a replacement Leong is in support of early childhood classrooms, where these situations can be simulated and where there are still adults present to encourage play.

While play has other practical purposes (letting children run around so that they actually go to sleep on time for instance), the true importance is that the children are developing social skills. Any good school‘s aim, from a local elementary school to Harvard, is to instill within a child, teenager or young adult a social education. Anyone can gain knowledge from books, but interaction with one’s peers provides an education that can’t be taught or measured academically. With more distractions than ever, our job is to make sure that our children are learning how to talk to one another, how to understand one another and how, through that, to understand themselves.

Further Reading:

http://www2.scholastic.com/browse/article.jsp?id=10595

http://www.allianceforchildhood.org/sites/allianceforchildhood.org/files/file/pdf/pdf_files/BAECF_Play_in_the_Early_Years_May07.pdf

http://illinoisearlylearning.org/tipsheets/unstructured.htm

Spring time and allergies vs. a cold

During this time of year it is difficult to decipher what is an allergy and what is a cold. It seems that there are more and more allergies in the last few years than ever before. Some experts contribute more allergens in our environment because of pollution or pesticides on all levels. I think that this is true but we need to be appropriate with the way we view an allergy vs. the common cold. I think as a rule of thumb if the symptoms are consistent throughout the day then you may need to take your child to their pediatrician to make sure that it is not something that requires an antibiotic or exclusion from group care. I think that allergies tend to be worse at different times of the day such as when you go outside or you are in a room that is not ventilated well. In any event we want our children to be happy and feel good. Usually children are resilient and need sleep, food, liquids, and isolation (exclusion form people), to recover from a cold. Always take things in stride and try not to be overwhelmed by symptoms as much as your child's activity level. When children are lethargic and have a loss of appetite it may be a good time to go to their pediatrician. Even allergies can make a child feel lethargic and may require an antihistamine to feel better. I have put up a few interesting links for your viewing pleasure.

Allergies and Environmental Issues

Flu or not the Flu?

Allergy Symptoms and Foods to Avoid

A Common cold or an Allergy?